I’ve been thinking about my trajectory through the roles of Good Student, Model Employee, and All Around Team Player. And out of nowhere, Bam! Rookie Entrepreneur. Oh, the bumps in the road.
I had a pretty easy time with the transition from peppy, straight A student to highly-regarded, fast-track bound corporate employee. We’ve talked about my people-pleasing perfectionism, right? It appears that I have some kind of Good Girl complex.
Which has made the flip to running my own show… different. And I actually never imagined I’d be an entrepreneur. Maybe because I always performed so well in The System?
Which has me wondering: What if the things that made us successful students and employees run counter to the traits we need to be innovative, self-starters? What if the strengths our teachers and bosses praised us for turn into limitations when we venture out on our own?
Now for a story.
I was on a ropes course last week as part of a workshop. I climbed a (really tall) telephone pole and walked a tightrope holding onto a wire on either side of me. Blindfolded.
The event was the finale to an intense coach training I just finished, and the idea was to coach each other through any fear that came up. You know, in response to being freakishly high up in the air. Dangling by a rope. Blind.
Also to practice trusting someone else who would guide us through the process. In this respect, I totally scored. Everyone there was fantastic, yes. But I really fell for my coach, in a puppy-love, major girl-crush kind of way. (Note to self: Feeling *meh* after a lukewarm date or two? Might be time for something dangerous!)
That’s not the (only) weird part.
Something she said after my stint on the tightrope really hit me: She was kind of shocked by how receptive I was, how open to direction and guidance and feedback. She’d suggest that I shift my center of gravity slightly, and it was like she was holding puppet strings: I complied automatically.
I’m kind of fascinated by this observation. I thoroughly adore and admire her and I love that I was able to trust. Maybe I sensed intuitively that it was safe and productive for me to be super receptive.
But I’m also wondering whether all of this receptivity and adaptability might sometimes get in my way. Like when I impulsively look outside of myself for the right answer. Or when I have trouble trusting my own inner guidance. Which, uh, sucks happens sometimes.
If I have a point, this is it.
If we really want to discover and develop our thing, we need to understand the difference between the stuff about us that we like (strengths we actually want to cultivate) versus the stuff about us that they like (the traits other people peg as valuable). Crazy, but they’re not always one and the same.
I kind of have a lot more to say about this. For now though, I’m wondering… is the stuff that you like about yourself (call that stuff “strengths” if you want) the same as the stuff other people tend to appreciate about you? Or do you have any difference of opinion?
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This is actually kind of a complex issue for me Briana. I know that sometimes, people see qualities in me -good ones- important ones- ones I hope to own- that I can’t see in myself or claim as mine. And then it is so good to know that those people are out there to remind me of who I already am. And then there are the annoying people who see things in me that I refuse to accept and they don’t feel good. And I work at seeing the gift of a mirror that I might need to be looking in.
The place that I sometimes spin my wheels is a belief that I need certain others to bring out certain qualities in me (and need to avoid some people too) VS the certain knowledge that I can and do choose who I am in every moment and it is all up to me.
Sorry to go on and on…you got me going.
Thanks!
Briana,
Thank you for sharing your insights with all of us! I really enjoy your writing and your candidness.
And wooohooo! for first, climbing the tele pole, agreeing to a blindfold and THEN walking the tightrope with only 2 wires to help you! Wow!
I would DEF be working some of my stuff out during that exercise. (I have often thought the physical exercises in a self-discovery workshop would be a great next step in my own healing journey.)
Your question that is supporting us to ask ourselves…what parts of ourselves/stuff/strengths do we wish to cultivate vs. what OTHERS wish us to cultivate is so helpful.
I am actually going to go and make a LIST now…onto new and good stuff – bout ME.
And then maybe a new blog post of my own!
Again, thank you!
Maya
What a great question. I’ve been thinking about my introversion lately. I love spending time by myself, thinking things over, having a rich inner life. I believe introversion is a strength when it comes to writing and creating. But I suspect that some people might see it as a weakness when it comes to connecting and relationships. Certainly my parents chided me for being anti-social as a kid and not making friends, when I was perfectly happy reading books and hanging out in my room.
I’ve often seen my introversion as a guilty pleasure, an indulgence that I have to balance by forcing myself to socialize. This year I’m going to experiment with what happens when I give in to my introverted tendencies and give myself permission to cocoon.