We’re experiencing a bit of a heat wave in the Pacific Northwest, and I spent last night tossing and turning in my blazing hot bedroom. I tried to exhaust myself by doing a mental rundown of the little things I noticed during the day that made me feel grateful.
This tactic was meant to distract me from ruminating about how little rest I was getting in the hot air and sticky sheets. You could say I have a healthy enthusiasm for getting enough sleep. (Anyone who knows me is chuckling at this blatant understatement, muttering “sleep freaking zealot, more like it” under their breath.)
Okay. So I had taken some risks yesterday, putting myself out there to move my business forward. And I also received some encouragement and well-wishing about the progress I’ve made so far. I figured I’d have lots of neat, little measurable accomplishments.
So I was somewhat surprised that the moments flitting through my mind were so small.
Like watching my hot, little puppy dog chewing on an ice cube to cool himself down. Like catching up with a great friend from grad school I had lost touch with. Like the voicemail from my mom saying she wished I was at the beach with her and that she missed me.
Of course I’m proud of the risks I took in my business, and the compliments I’m receiving about the progress. But these other shining, little moments were a gentle nudge to keep relishing the ride.
I was forgetting that it’s not about reaching some imagined “there,” where success and accomplishment abound. I had been getting ahead of myself, trying to make decisions ten steps ahead of where I am, wanting it all right now.
The funny thing is that I absolutely get this. I know how dangerous when/then thinking can be. It’s one of my favorite areas to coach other people.
I used to torture myself with this line of thinking all the time. When I’m pin thin, then I’ll be carefree. When my long distance boyfriend and I move to the same city, then our relationship will be perfect. When I live in a new city, then I’ll like my career.
And? I realized being carefree comes first, and is what I really wanted all along. The long distance boyfriend is now the long distance ex. I left that city and that career.
Of course, our best realizations and insights are usually hard won. We earn the wisdom after the mistake knocks us down a few hundred times. But still, still, I always need reminders.
And the crazy thing is that noticing these little gifts makes it way easier to take even more risks, to keep putting myself out there, to risk some failure. Because I have a reserve of joy to see me through.
By peering very closely at these happy moments, no matter how tiny, we can steer ourselves back on the right course. Because we catch a glimpse of what matters.
Does this realization mean I’m supposed to be grateful for the heat wave?
