Do you ever notice how some decisions come so easily and obviously, while others involve hair-pulling, cookie-scarfing fretting and waffling? Ugh, waffling.
Lately I have this sense that life is flowing along a strong, natural current. And I’m the one that manages to keep jacking up the pace. Throwing up boulders and objections, creating rapids and eddies. And scariness. And then getting frustrated when the current takes my hint and slows down.
Of course damming up the current is about fear. And maybe (probably) I’m trying to perfectly orchestrate all of the teeny tiny elements before taking a single step. If I could only manipulate all of the details just so, then everything will unfold cleanly, smoothly.
Without any messes. Without risking failure.
And so I don’t even notice how efficiently the current handles itself. I decide I want something to happen, and then these little gifts of grace start showing up. Or maybe it’s the other way around: I hope for a change, and so I start noticing openings and possibilities sprouting up through the cracks.
And everything is moving along beautifully. Or could be if I didn’t keep pulling the emergency brake.
I know it’s not that simple or easy to ride the waves. I’m not fearless. To flow with the current I have to le go of this little scrap of shore. Which can make me nostalgic and wistful. Oh, and also terrified.
Being scared is allowed. Taking my time is okay. Except sometimes I do it unconsciously, like bumping the pause button and wondering why the movie stopped playing. (And maybe throwing a tantrum about it.)
It feels a little like I climbed into my seat on the roller coaster, and it’s ready to start off down the tracks. Just as soon as I buckle my harness. Or the boat is ready to pull out into open water. Only there’s one line still tied to the dock and I’m struggling with the knot. If I can even find the knot.
Next step? Oh, you know, just me allowing things to get crackin’ already.
But sometimes, when I’m frustrated or impatient, it’s wonderfully reassuring to realize that the world is spinning around, just waiting patiently for me to catch up. That it’s more about letting things flow than forcing anything to happen. When I remember, that is.
How do you stay in the flow? Or recognize the moments when you’re the one slowing the evolution?
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Wow, Briana this is weird. I was just thinking about this for myself. My metaphor is being on a train and we are moving along at a fast clip and then suddenly the train slows to a crawl. I start looking all around me and asking people what is going on as if the cause is -out there. Until I realize that I am in the driver’s seat!! The tricky and hard part for me is to stay compassionately curious about what my slowdown is about and not get all pointy fingered judgemental about it…
I know just what you mean! I just wrote about something similar today. About how sometimes we try to force things when letting them happen naturally is probably better. Sometimes when we let go – or just go along for the ride – things start to happen the way they should.
I find that things move along with the current when I’m being my authentic self (which fortunately has been happening more often lately). If something throws me off or I get lost from myself, things get hectic!
“Except sometimes I do it unconsciously, like bumping the pause button and wondering why the movie stopped playing. (And maybe throwing a tantrum about it.)”
Yes. That.
Wow.