Compliments

I think the best compliments, the ones that stick with you, are those you don’t quite believe, but you really, really, really hope are true.  And it helps if they come from someone you trust and adore unequivocally.  

I’ve been thinking about a few specific compliments I’ve received over the years, and wondering why they struck me so powerfully that I would remember them after all this time.  I heard the earliest of these half my lifetime ago.

My fingers are kind of shaking over the publish button when it comes to sharing these with you, because a) why should you care; and b) you’ll obviously think I’m bragging.

Apparently I decided to publish anyway because 1) if the only thing holding me back is fear that you’ll think I’m immodest, then it feels disingenuous to keep it to myself; 2) the benefactors probably have neither any memory of granting the praise nor any knowledge of its effect, and I want to say thank you; and 3) blogging is about helping us get to know each other better… I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

And before I go crazy tooting my horn here, in order to retain any shred of humility, I think it’s important to tell you that I believe these compliments are memorable because they have a magical and fantastical quality, i.e. I wish I could see myself the way these people saw me and feel basically astonished at their kudos.  So, in chronological order:

1.  I’ve run around with the same gaggle of girls since junior high.  Back when we were kids, my best friend’s dad posed this silly question to us: if you had to let one girl out of this group go to medical school and then perform brain surgery on you, who would it be?  I was the crowd favorite, which in itself is somewhat confidence boosting.

But then one of my best girls tagged on this addendum:

I’d let Bri perform brain surgery on me without going to medical school.  

You should know this friend is wicked funny, i.e. this quip was equal parts compliment & cut-up.  Still, I’ll take it, woot!

2.  One of my very favorite people to work for once told me I should dump my corporate gig and go write for comedy tv.  He = Whip smart, non-stop witty, and a natural born leader.  Me = Um, just, you know, me. 

3.  On the last day at my corporate career, I was saying goodbye to a partner at the firm, one of smartest and most direct people I’ve ever worked with. On that day, my only future career plan consisted of not doing that career anymore. 

Her prediction was that I’d end up as the Chief of Staff or right-hand-man to a prominent, big-shot politician.  As I walked out she quipped to call her when I got to the White House.  Pfffft.

What is it about these particular compliments that resonated in my core?  I think it has to do with the element of surprise and flattered disbelief.

Hearing my friend joke that she’d let me perform surgery on her with no training told me she trusted me, trusted my smarts and my overall competence.  As far as my potential as a comedy tv writer… Funny?  Moi?  I glowed and floated and walked on air for weeks, years, obviously still floating.

And Chief of Staff, i.e. ranking member of the High Council of Jedi Knights?  Well, that’s a beautiful analogy for coaching.  I think it fits what I do now perfectly.  

And the thing is, I’m only superficially interested in neurosurgery and politics.  Helping people craft the life of their dreams – that’s my mission. (Comedy tv writer is just my fallback.)  

What are yours?  I would so love to hear them.  Another great question to ask yourself:  what are a few words people use to describe you that you feel both surprised and incredibly gratified to hear?

And then ask yourself why these compliments feel so good.  I think there are some clues here about what you want to do and who you want to be (which is really who you already are).