A couple of weeks ago I went to a workshop with Pam Slim as part of her “Escape From Cubicle Nation” book tour. I was lucky enough to escape my cubicle several months ago, but fortunately Pam is also an expert in how to move forward as an entrepreneur once you’re free of the cubicle (and its better half, the steady paycheck).
One idea she mentioned really struck me – when you’re having a hard time making a decision, try to think of yourself as a heat seeking missile. Play that childish game with yourself – am I getting warmer?
I sometimes try to make decisions by choosing the perfect thing out of Infinity’s top hat. Like, gosh, I could go anywhere or do anything, how will I ever choose?
It feels so much simpler to offer up two extremes and choose between, and then continue to narrow down my options that way. This method might seem obvious to other people, but for whatever reason it doesn’t come naturally for me.
Maybe to do with the little perfectionist thing I have going on. I want to make the right decision, and I want that right decision to be perfect. Like, forever.
Hmmm. I am realizing there are two ways to look at that. First, things change all of the time. I change, the people I love change, the world, the economic environment, all of it changes all of the time.
It’s that whole concept of this too shall pass. Ebb and flow. Yadda, yadda. This is true for good and bad, joy and pain. And if everything is always changing in every moment, I can’t possibly make a decision now that will be right forever. *Insert tears here*
On the other hand, any decision I make now is right forever. As long as I’m open to the flow of change.
I guess it would help to tell you what decision I’m trying to make. I’ve been trying to decide where to move. Actually, that’s not true. I have decided where to move. I feel pretty sure that LA is the place.
Pretty sure. Except. Well. It’s just that there are all of these questions and fears (and lions and tigers and bears) that pop up and get me to second guess myself and think maybe it’s not the perfect decision.
After all, even with everything I love about Southern California (read: weather, lovely friends, climate, culture, sunshine, opportunities, blue sky) there are things I don’t love (plastic materialism) that warn me it won’t be perfect. So maybe it’s not the absolutely-on-all-accounts-100% right decision forever.
But the pressure to make the forever decision is what’s really screwing me up. Because if I decide from the perspective that any decision right for now is right forever, I can see that moving to LA may be part of an overall flow. After all, it feels decidedly warmish on the hot/cold continuum.
(And delightfully warmish on the climate continuum.)
If I let go of the pressure that comes with wanting to make a permanently ideal decision, I can allow that maybe ultimately Portland is the right place, maybe Italy, maybe Manhattan. But it’s possible that ending up in one of those place has to come by way of LA. And so LA can be the right decision forever by way of being the right decision for now.
Does anyone else use the hot or cold barometer? Or is there a different method to decision making that works well for you? I would love to hear your ideas.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Marci Alboher wrote a post on using Suzy Welch’s 10-10-10 method of decision making – looking at your decision 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years from where you are now – might help you integrate the perspective of change and flexibility into the decision-making process.
Oh, I could so relate to this post, Briana! The hubster and I are planning to buy our first home and now that the time is here to do it, we started wondering where the right place to live would be. And then we started wondering if we wanted to make a more drastic change and move to another state and then I got into a big tizzy of fear over what the “right” decision would be and felt down-right awful!
I found, as you did, that there is no perfect decision when it comes to things like this because life is constantly in flux and it’s unlikely that a place will hold every single element we’d like to have in one area (that’s why we love to travel!) But we can find a place that in this moment is pulling us like that heat seeking missile.
I had to take aside some time to journal and talk and write to friends about how I was feeling to help me get some clarity about what was most important to me about where we moved. And when I was able to acknowledge my fears and get some clarity on what I wanted, I felt so much better. Further discussions with the hubster and we now know where we want to live. Woohoo!.
Amazing how some clarity and inner-work led to moving from frenetic fear to excitement and energy.
I like the hotter/colder method a lot. I also like noticing what feels like a “hell yes!” and what feels just “eh.” I like how Martha Beck talked about as a constricted, shackles on experience versus a free, shackles off experience.
Briana, you are very beautiful on your blog. I must say that my hot cold barometer often malfunctions and only alerts me of my wrong decision “after” I make it. Ugggh. And that announcement is thrust on me at 2:00 a.m. as my swirling mind (ego??) jolts me awake to tell me the news.
I love this post-it is so true for me. Since claiming my joy rebely-ness (I also make up words *grin*), that has shifted and changed and grown and evolved and well, sometimes I just want ONE answer dammit! LOL. This has definitely been a lesson setting intention and then not CONTROLING every damn thing about that intention.
I believe, though, at the core I’m on the right path and the answers will be made clear for me. I believe that for you too-
@Miranda – thank you for the tip, I will check it out! (love Barcelona!)
@Leah – so true that taking some time to search in yourself to get clarity changes the picture from major overwhelm to big time excitement – woohoo!
@Sandy – you are so sweet. We’ve all been there, hindsight and all that. It’s especially hard when you want a decision to be right so badly that you do whatever you can to ignore any little prickles of doubt.
@Brandi – that is such a hard thing to master with intentions – figuring out the what without obsessing over the how, I am right there with you!