Comments on: I shouldn’t need help. But I’m allowed to want it.

By: Friday check-in: The check-check-check-in edition.

Friday check-in: The check-check-check-in edition. — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 18:14:57 +0000

[...] this loop was shorter. I’m aware and I’m picking up clues. So fair warning to my “Let’s Check Stuff!” pattern: Your days are [...]

By: briana

briana — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:49:52 +0000

@Chris ~ Yes, yes, yes, to all of it! The personal trainer is a great example for me, too, and worth a whole other post. And it’s funny because you can come at any of it from a healthy angle (that provides MORE freedom, power, and fun) or from an icky restrictive angle… Once again, perspective is everything And thank you for commenting, because I so relate to your perspective.

@Lauren ~ You are such a ritual queen, I have a lot to learn from you. I get super comfy in a routine, but I need to be more conscious about adding little extra elements to brighten things up and to make that soft structure feel safe and cozy instead of restrictive. And so happy to have you tweeting!

By: Lauren

Lauren — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 01:46:14 +0000

Briana, I get it too. Don’t box me in could be one of my taglines! The busier my life became, however, the more I realized that winging it wasn’t really getting me where I wanted to go in all areas of my life. So I started creating rituals for the juicy stuff I loved, and for the not-so-fun stuff that just needed to get done.

Creating daily rituals brings a kind of gentle structure to my day. For me, once a soft structure is in place, my energy is more freed up to show up and do my thing.
For example, I really don’t like accounting, so when its time for my bi-monthly date with Quickbooks, I have a lovely pre-ritual. I make this killer bittersweet hot chocolate (heavy on the cocoa, light on the sugar), and if I’m not already wearing something super-soft and cozy, I change. Then I clean off my desk entirely, put on some kind of mellow music, and aaah, suddenly it’s starting to feel lighter and brighter! Bribery works for me too (if you get x done, then you can do y!). Not that I wouldn’t do y anyway, but it still feels kind of fun to work toward y…

I am working on creating a blogging ritual next! Same day of week, 2-3 hours to create– because I can’t do it faster than that yet

xoxo p.s. thanks for outing me on twitter!

By: Chris

Chris — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:27:30 +0000

I get it. I struggle with the resistance to structure and support, too. First, because structure feels limiting; and second, because it doesn’t really go with my Wonder Woman outfit. I value freedom, power, and fun (in that order) above all else, so having structure, even if it’s self-imposed, seems like a direct route to “you can’t make me” tantrums and rebelliousness. Enter inner 2-year-old…

It clicked for me when I realized that there are some areas of my life where I have structure and support that are working for me and actually uphold my values. For example, I was waffling about working with a personal trainer to help me work weight training back into my life. When I remembered that I already had a great relationship with an accountant/doctor/massage therapist, I was able to see that having a trainer is the same kind of relationship. I also noticed that where I have a little structure, the result is freeing, not restrictive. I have a weekly appointment with myself to do my filing and financial chores. Keeping that appointment leaves me free to not have to think about that stuff at any other time during my week.