I’m a contradiction. But first, an explanation.

Good God I love paradox. And hate paradox. I’ve mentioned that a time or two, yes?

I have this wacked out pattern that consists of a main course of really, really wanting to be perfect with a side order of really, really not wanting to be “Little Miss Perfect.” I was aware of it on some level already, but the pure magic that transpires from the pattern-translating wonder of Dance of Shiva has re-introduced me to the contradiction between my inner perfectionist zealot and her wimpy nemesis, my inner shrinking violet.

And the part that really has my brain scrambled is that I’m noticing the pattern because of my Dance of Shiva practice which is all about identifying patterns, and this particular perfection/antiperfection thing also has to do with my competence at the Dance. What?! Argh. Or … thank you? I don’t know yet.

I should really write a post that provides a concise and clever little definition of this Dance that I can refer you to every time I talk about it, because so much of what I’m learning lately about myself and my world is Dance-related. And that way, if you’re into it, you can relate to the Dance-ification of it all, and if not, the patterns and the discoveries are equally applicable to whatever stuff you’re dealing with.

This post isn’t much for clever or concise, but maybe it can just be the stand-in. 

So the Dance is less like dancing and more like a form of yoga. Except I’m not really all that into yoga so that should tell you something about how non-yoga-ish it is right there. 

You basically combine specific arm and leg movements in certain sequences and it feels a little like trying to rub your tummy and pat your head. In an anti-gravity chamber. While also trying to memorize an international telephone number. And some annoying person is shouting random digits in the background. In Chinese. Or something nothing at all like that, but even more confusing. 

Why on Earth would I do such a thing? Because it helps build new neural pathways in your brain which means you can figure out why you do the things you do by peering at your patterns all up close and personal. And then rewrite those patterns. Super cool stuff. Delicious epiphanies, truly. 

Oh, and you also need to know that the harder it is and the more you mess up, the more epiphanies you receive. Having just one thing in your life where doing it wrong is the only way to do it right is the most infuriating transformative practice I can recommend to a perfectionist.

The aftermath is pretty incredible, and it’s difficult to put into words the full effect. As evidenced by this rambling post. And yes, sometimes looking directly into your stuff is kind of uncomfortable (that’s why the stuff is still there), but the Dance serves up palatable, bite-sized doses. And the benefits are well worth the ten minute time investment. Seriously. All it takes is ten minutes of the Dance and then a few minutes of sitting around doing nothing or meditating if that’s your thing.

Okay, this post did not quite achieve the brevity of description I had in mind. But with that background, next time I can explain this little “I need to be absolutely perfect, but obviously not too perfect or everyone will hate me” thing I have going on.

Please note that this is my humble and amateur description and you should really go read more from someone who knows what she’s talking about.

And if you have tricks for taming your own streak of perfectionism, tell me all about ‘em.