After dreaming up a new approach to deal with my inner productivity saboteurs, a little part of me started wondering…
Wait. Isn’t this just a fancy way of yielding to the resistance?
I decided No. Not if I can stay centered. I’m imagining it more like aikido. The closer I can get to the resistance, the more I can learn about what it needs. The better I understand its mission, the easier it is to use that energy and momentum for my own secret mission.
But once I decided on throwing a party, I encountered the part of me who is vehemently opposed to taking a break. Especially when things are going so swimmingly. (Are you nuts?!)
Because when I’m in the groove, I want to hold onto it, suck all the nectar out.
And I saw that I was clinging to the flow. Worried that whenever I slip into some ideal world where things are working, I need to keep doing those exact things exactly so or else I’ll lose the flow.
That’s a pattern I’d really like to interrupt. It would feel so much better to trust in the natural abundance of inspiration and motivation. To really understand that taking breaks won’t interrupt the flow.
I want to know, deep down, that rest and play are the very ebb that makes flow possible.
No one has ever told me: Hey, tighten up.
Except maybe me. I say it to myself pretty much all the time.
I’ve heard it said that people go into therapy for either tightening up or loosening up. In Western culture, most need loosening.
I wonder if most people are like me though, and assume they need tightening no matter how often they learn the power of loosening.
Which takes me back to one epiphany I keep having over and over: I always think I need to learn tricks and techniques for getting myself to do ever more work, or to do work in ways that don’t suit me. I always think I need tightening.
I don’t need tightening, I need loosening. Loosening is what delivers ease, what makes my work more enjoyable and therefore more fruitful. And way more sustainable.
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Oh man. “Taking breaks won’t interrupt the flow.” I read that and it SOUNDS so right, but I realize that I don’t believe it. If I believed it, I would be acting a whole lot differently.
Loosen up. May need to be a new mantra.
Oh Sarah! I know. That’s why I’m trying to experiment — and hopefully gathering evidence in support of the breaks. And play! And loosening. To the mantra!
I generally think I am so in need of tightening that it is silly. Hehehe. What is silly is that thought – because clearly I could not be much tighter.
Your last paragraphs reminded me of a part in The Gifts of Imperfection where she tells her therapist about how bad her anxiety is. The therapist asks her what she needs. She said that she needs to learn to remain standing while she is anxious. The therapist sits quietly. She realizes that what she really needs is to learn how to not be that anxious.
I also think that stopping the flow for a break will break the flow, but perhaps this warrants experimentation.
Okay, the book has been added to my library hold list : ) Thanks for the reminder!
And spotting silliness MUST be a sign of progress in the realm of loosening. Hehehe.