I woke up this morning thinking about taking the leap, choosing your own adventure, answering your hero’s call. And that it isn’t supposed to be easy.
People say living from your heart and steering toward your best life feels like paddling downstream.
You get this image of leaning back on your raft with the sunshine on your skin and a serene smile on your face.
Oh, Sweetie. The truth is you can’t even climb into the boat the first few times without tipping it over and soaking yourself in freezing water.
And you forget that paddling downstream still involves paddling. And it requires using different muscles. Muscles you’ve never used before which means tearing down and rebuilding. Upheaval.
Your stream is probably flat in places, and then you have to paddle a lot. And it winds through a canyon where sometimes the walls are so steep, you can’t see anything around the next bend.
Your vision is totally limited to this one single stroke.
Oh, and there are rapids. And eddies and holes full full of fear and doubt and what-ifs. You have to keep paddling. And bail water when your boat fills up. And scout the terrain ahead.
And of course you knew all of this. You chose this route precisely because the landscape is rugged and pristine and freshly carved. Which equates to uncertainty and confusion and many wrong turns.
You don’t choose it because it’s easy. You choose it because you can’t not.
And so you say yes to your hero’s call and you leap into your saga. And you find yourself repeating the mantra of my teacher Martha Beck: This is a lot harder than I expected, and that’s okay.
A lot harder. And all worth it because you’re moving downstream, in the direction of your life. Your life. The one full of serendipity and freedom and growth. And possibly a sprinkle of bliss.
And you feel this incredible relief when you remember that it’s okay for things to be hard. You stop taking the challenge personally. You meet yourself where you are. You say yes to this moment.
Except once you allow it to be hard, then you enter into this twilight space. Where Hard and Easy pull some ridiculously impossible kung fu manuever and dress up in each other’s clothes.
Sure, the old you might think this is all a bit reckless. But the new you knows that there’s nothing harder than drowning in abandoned hopes or suffocating from lack of inspiration and possibility.
This is all exactly the kind of absurdly obvious epiphany I’m always having from Dance of Shiva.
The kind of truth you can read about and you can hear people you admire explain 793 times. But none of it matters until you hit that moment when your jaw drops and you suck in your breath.
OH! I get it.
And you try to explain it, but people just roll their eyes because you can never express the intensity of your new understanding with the corresponding eloquence. And so you just keep saying:
No, really. It’s supposed to be hard. And it’s all so perfect. And isn’t it absolutely glorious?
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Love the ridiculous kung fu magic of easy and hard. I had lots o’ that this week!
I don’t think it’s true that following you hear is like paddling downstream. I think it’s like paddling upstream, but you know that the view and the fishing are going to be WAY Better.
Or maybe it’s paddling across a lake…Or maybe paddling across a desert…or maybe it’s different for each of us.
This idea that things get easier when we’re on the right path…I’m rethinking that.
Er..that should be heart…following your heart…not hear…
Dang it. You made me cry. Because I need to be reminded of this a million times a day. There is that voice that keeps going, “If you think this is hard, maybe you’re making the wrong choice! There’s still time to change your mind!” And even though I know there is a gigantic difference between the hard that’s worth it and the hard that’s not, that voice is awfully pesky. But ah! Maybe I will learn it – the learning where I go “oh, of course” – after I leap. I think it is probably learned best by doing.
I can’t even tell you how awesome this post is. Found it right after I finished one of my own. I’m a total monomyth geek and yet…yet I still forget that, yes, it is hard. It is work. I got tangled up with newagey love and light stuff, no offence to anyone meant, but it messed up my head with the constant ‘if you’re struggling then you’re not on the right path’. The gods (whatever) are signalling you to stop and do something else. But that’s wrong. And I forgot. A hero’s job is to be heroic. Thank you for reminding me!
Aside: Hope the decaffination is coming along. I’ve been laughing a little because I decaffinated years ago as it causes breast and other sorts of cysts and had to drop it. Never did find a suitable good tasting replacement. So three weeks or so ago I took up caffiene again and, guess what…jjjjitters, moody, sleepin lousy, and sooo you are right. Some of us must be decaftinated. Do wish they’d invent something yummy for a replacement tho. Those grain beverages and decaf coffees suckkk.
@Bridget ~ I so hear you. It gets harder in a different way, and then easier because you’re doing it instead of thinking you should do it or wonder about it or whatever. But still, hard!
@Elizabeth ~ Oh, Honey. I’m sorry I made you cry. Unless, you know, it was the kind of thing that you really needed to cry about and now you feel all cleaned out and hopeful. That’s my hope at least. I love what you’re doing. Supporting & cheering you on madly.
@Wulfie ~ Gosh, I’m so glad it spoke to you. Yeah, sometimes the whole “Just be happy, and for goodness sake, don’t struggle or you’ll screw Everything up” mandate becomes another should that we just beat ourselves up about. And then paradoxically letting it be hard lessens the struggle. Basically: Dear Life, You are complicated. And I have not found a grain or decaf that I’ve liked, but I’m not giving up yet. I’ll keep you posted!
I have read and moved forward on different perspectives and used the tools. The place where I was adrift was having a cohesive image, a big picture, one that utilized all the different ideas and frames of references, that united all the pieces. While I was reading this article I was pinging all over the place.
So while I have realized that eloquent summary is so not my strength, I am THANKFUL it is yours, and that you shared it here; because I gotta tell you, having it all fit into something is most definitely helpful for making a long run.
Follow your heart and you will flow downstream. I agree with you and Martha. Damn this is a lot harder than expected and that it really is okay. I think what freaks us out when it is harder than expected is the not knowing. At least for me that is where my lizard brain starts to spiral downward to the not knowing and that makes the harder than expected even worse. So just as you are paddling downstream and being totally aware in that moment, it is important to be present right now instead of letting the lizard brain take over and head down.
Thanks Briana