Thanksgiving has been my favorite holiday for years and years. There’s just something about the simplicity of cooking and eating and spending time with people you love. It feels cozy and domestic and festive, and what’s not to like about that?
And then there’s the whole gratitude component. Which is pretty great in spirit and theory, and even in practice when it works. But I have to confess that sometimes I have trouble putting it into practice in a way that feels true and joyful.
Back when gratitude journals became the rage, I gave it a shot, but the practice never really stuck. It didn’t feel right, it didn’t feel like me. And it felt like trying too hard. The things on my list always seemed so obvious or redundant. Which usually made me doubt myself, my capacity for joy, my character. Surely I’ve always had plenty to be thankful for, so what the hell was wrong with me?
And yeah, this kind of practice is supposed to feel expansive and affirming. And instead it sometimes gave me a new reason to beat myself up, which really goes against everything I believe about the experience of having a conscious and loving relationship with yourself. Maybe the clue is in that word supposed. Hello resistance. I’m supposed to cultivate an awareness of abundance. Um, no.
Because it’s not that I never dwell in gratitude. Sometimes it sweeps me up illuminating everything in my life and leaving me feeling humbled and mesmerized with the very nature of the universe. I find little and big things to be thankful for all of the time. And I know abundance afficionados would say I’m missing the point: that the idea is to consciously create that inner expansion instead of waiting for it to happen to me. But, I guess it’s in my contrarian nature to need to do it my way.
Anyway, it is Thanksgiving. So this morning in my journal, I wrote a page of thanks for this year, and a page of thanks for next year. And I’m chagrined to tell you that I’ve been all cheery and light hearted and glowy ever since. I feel connected and centered and peaceful. Argh.
So just one tiny thing I’m grateful for today: I ate breakfast on my patio in my pajamas in the warm sunshine. And now I’m driving to a cabin in the mountains where I’ll wear a scarf and play “brrr, it’s winter” for the day. That and Valrhona Le Noir Extra Amer 85% Cocoa chocolate. Bliss in a bite.
After that teeny rant, I can’t exactly ask you to share your gratitude list. So share whatever feels right, and know that I’m thankful for blogging and I’m thankful for you.
