For the longest time my most fervent desire has been to find my purpose, and to throw myself into it wholeheartedly. I want to wake up every morning excited to start my day, and work passionately at something that brings joy and fulfillment.
And this dream is actually coming true. These days I’m so full of energy for the work I’m doing that in the evening, after I finally get myself to hit the sack, all I really want is for the night to fly by in a blink so that I can leap out of bed in the morning and hop right back to it. I know, kind of sickening, right?
Only there’s a bit of a hitch in my giddy-up. (In my other job I’ve been hanging out with cowboys. Seriously, don’t ask.)
Have you ever enjoyed your work so much that it feels more like being playful than productive? And isn’t that supposed to feel fabulous? Instead of feeling amazing, something about the whole thing is just bugging me. I really did not expect this, but for some reason enjoying my work this much feels loaded with guilt and grime and overwhelm. What gives?
As it turns out, apparently I’ve been harboring an underlying belief that work should be wearying and cumbersome and, overall, pretty dull. Guessing that’s why I stuck with my former career as a tax accountant for so long (uh-huh, uh-huh, yawn).
Now what’s the point of taking all of these risks, and finally reaching toward a career I feel passionate about, if I don’t get to enjoy the process? My thoughts and beliefs in this area could obviously use some adjusting. To work through them, I decided to try using a model I first learned from Brooke Castillo:
Circumstances -> Thoughts -> Feelings -> Action -> Result
In this case, I want to discover what thought is causing me to feel icky, so I start by plugging in the feeling.
Icky feeling: Frantic overwhelm layered with guilt.Action: Tasmanian devil darting from task to task without reaching completion.Result: Low productivity.
Notice that the low productivity has the effect of compounding my guilt, proving out the original feeling. For me, this model clearly shows that changing our thoughts has the power to transform our lives. This is because actions necessarily stem from feelings, and my feelings are a direct result of my thinking. So I need to find the thought causing the feelings of guilt and overwhelm, and then look for a new thought that is also true, but that feels much better. So what’s the thought causing the icky feeling?
Here’s what I came up with:
Old thought: Work should feel hard, boring, and certainly should never be fun. I should have to struggle in order to accomplish anything worthwhile. (Note the liberal use of the word “should.” Red flag numero uno.)
New better-feeling thought: When my work is aligned with my purpose and passion, it will feel like play most of the time.
Now sometimes finding a new thought isn’t quite this easy, especially when we still believe the old thought. In this case, I truly believe the new thought, and it’s actually much truer for me than the original thought. The icky-feeling original thought is left over from an old belief system based on avoiding fear and a sense of lack.
The most important part of this exercise was to uncover the thought causing the icky feeling. Once I exposed it, I could actually at how something I no longer even believe could unconsciously inform my feelings, actions, and life.
This doesn’t really mean “Presto! Now I always feel tremendously wonderful about everything work related!” I still catch myself wondering if I’m being productive enough, and whether it’s truly possible to create work out of the things I love doing most. (For the record, it is absolutely possible, and there’s plenty of meat here for several future posts).
The key now is for me to recognize when my thoughts start rerunning the “work should suck” belief system. And when I do notice, I can consciously replace it with the new thought.
As for the intersection of work and play, I think the writer Jim Shepard expresses my new belief perfectly in the story he tells of an experience he had while writing one day:
“One afternoon I heard one relative outside my window ask another, “Is Jim working or playing?” And the other said, “I don’t know.” And it’s occurred to me since that that’s an indeterminacy to which I should be aspiring. Because as far as we’re concerned, when we’re doing what we love most, there should no longer be any distinction.”
Amen.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Your blog is delightful Bri!! The blog world is lucky to have you now… I really got this over the last year – it should ALL feel good! This is a message that young people really, really need. And you are the perfect person to deliver that message!