Somehow I’ve managed to extricate myself (at least for now, knock-knock-knock) from the incessant maddening loop of check-check-checking.
Either by way of the much-needed decaffeination project, my sailboat construction process, Grace, or some combination of all three, I am happily navigating a more peaceful, detached relationship with all things online.
Thankfully, I’m spending time on Important Things. And making progress.. oh, sweet progress.
But. I have to admit – I really think that until now I was harboring this incredibly naive belief:
If only I can get all of my time-management ducks in a row, and wash away the more heinous of my time-wasting habits, I will end up riding along a magical swell of unlimited time.
I know it sounds lame and trite and all, but it’s true – I ignored the whole 24-hours-in-a-day thing.
Clearing the clutter has only made me more aware that even if I maximize each moment, I still only get so much time each day to do all the things I love. And sleep and eat and breathe.
It has thrown the inevitability of choice into stark relief. Saying yes also means saying no.
If I spend time I this, I don’t get to spend time on that. Gulp.
I thought if I was perfectly efficient and productive and engaged, I wouldn’t have to choose. Because, you know, once I get There, time will be boundless. I can’t believe I thought that either, but it’s true.
When I was wasting time, I believed (and definitely acted accordingly) that I had all the time in the world. Now that I’m milking it, time has transformed into something precious and viscerally finite.
(Note that for me, milking it doesn’t mean work-work-work and isn’t measured in productive output or anything crazy. It absolutely includes time for open space and play and following certain whims.)
Which in a roundabout way, only makes it easier to avoid the most egregious time wasting. Unfair somehow, like you have to stop procrastinating to discover how wonderful it is to not procrastinate.
And it only makes me more grateful for this process of evaluating the activities that fill my day, what I commit to, where I choose to give my time and attention and energy – which ideas, which people.
Do you ever think if you just put all of the puzzle pieces together just right, you’ll be able to do it all?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I think that all the time. But man, I can’t do everything, even with the bestest, most cleverly designed of time management processes. I hate saying no to really awesome things, but I still have to. Because taking care of myself is way more awesome. (That still doesn’t feel true. But I know it is.)
I REALLY get the whole illusion of “if I just get all the ducks in a row…”. I always used to feel like everything undone was due right NOW, and until they were done I had no right to schedule “open time”.
But my big experiment lately is devoting small but regular chunks of time to lists and piles that I want to whittle down to zero. This is really changing things! I don’t feel overwhelmed and I feel a small puff of accomplishment every day. And it’s helping me feel like I don’t have to wait until it’s all done to set aside time for the awesome things.
I’m just starting to get to the place where i am seeing the trade off of “if I say YES here I have to say NO there” and staring down the decisions and setting my boundaries… I have had a really hard year this year with the idea of trying to do it all on my own (as a single mom) — kids, work, home, meals, cleaning, self, volunteer activities, learning opportunities, socializing — and starting to realize that its coming to a point where I have to decide how MY time and energy are best spent and stop allowing other people to make me feel guilty for saying “NO” (especially volunteer activites where I actually believe in the cause/organization but they expect more than I can give)…
This whole year I have been trying to do it all and being frustrated that I wasn’t getting enough done!! And now I see that its because I am FINITE, I can’t stretch to fill INFINITE amounts of time/responsibility and I need to make “best choices” for me.
@Sarah ~ Taking care of yourself is wayyyy more awesome – come by anytime you need someone to remind you.
@Susan ~ That small puff of accomplishment can be so incredibly motivating… usually it’s just getting started, and then it feels so good that I want to keep going. Totally relate!
@Pam ~ Oh my goodness, your schedule, your responsibilities… would leave anyone feeling way overwhelmed. I am behind you one bajillion percent: guilt-free permission to do what feels good to you.
I love your analogy. I always have puzzle pieces left over when it comes to my life. It makes me feel overwhelmed a lot of the time. And then I look at other’s puzzles and I realize that this applies to all of us.
So now I think I’m going to do a puzzle with my daughter this weekend just so I can have that great feeling of accomplishment.
For many years I was pretty much all about the work, work, work. Then my life kind of imploded – lost my job, got a divorce, creating a completely new and wonderful path in my life, spending lots more time with my kids (so the good and the bad) – now I’m really, finally getting into a good place emotionally. The problem is that lately I’m all about the play, play, play which is fun and all but it doesn’t get the bills paid and it sure doesn’t get the taxes done. Over the years I’ve tried pretty much every time management scheme out there (haven’t done the Sailboat yet which I just found out about). I know it’s totally childish but I hate the fact that I have to make choices when it comes to managing my time. And that sometimes I have to choose to do things that are good for me even if I don’t particularly want to do them. I think I need to go back to Flylady (flylady.net) who taught me that I can do anything for 15 minutes. If I set a timer and tell myself I can go play if I just spend 15 minutes cleaning or doing paperwork I eventually get the “have to” stuff done pretty painlessly. And I do get that “high” from the accomplishment. It’s the getting started that’s so hard.